I haven’t been a good friend lately

The subject says it all. I haven’t been a good friend lately. This last probably year has been hectic, and crazy, and emotional, and a lot of things. I’ve totally been a crappy friend. I’ve basically put everything into work [both the day job and Scentsy]. And pushed everything else aside.  I kind of want to apologize, but part of me isn’t so quick to do so.  Friendship is a two-way street.

My work; both the day job and Scentsy are what pays the bills, puts a roof over my head, food on my plate [I don’t eat at a table, or even have one], but honestly, my life has been work. A lot of it. Extra hours at the day job, extra stress, a little more intentional time with Scentsy, devoting time to the business each night after the day job, and on weekends. Throwing myself into online training, to better myself, my business, leading my growing team, all that comes with it.

Sure I haven’t gone to as many concerts / shows as I used to; going alone sucks, but I’ve done that. I had a great friend, who got pissy about something stupid, and hasn’t really talked to me since August, but let’s get real, was that person a good friend if they haven’t reached out since then? Probably not. I get it, people start dating people, priorities change, life directions change, but it takes 20 seconds to type a text out that says “Hey, sorry to hear your grandpa passed”. Maybe I’m bitter because only one friend who I know in person – the rest are Scentsy friends I’ve yet to meet or only see at our annual convention – reached out; aside from the very kind comments my FB friends posted. While I very much appreciate those words that were virtual hugs, sometimes a text would be more.  I really do value all of my Facebook friends in someway or another, otherwise I’m totally that girl who would unfriend. Maybe I’m upset because I’m 34 and in the past 3 years I’ve lost 4 grandparents and I’ve gone to I don’t know how many visitations, and sent cards, flowers, and not a single friend sent a card, or came to my grandparents. Sometimes I wish the bitch that I am could stand up for myself more. I get it death sucks, it’s not fun, but it’s a respect thing. If they are your friend, show some respect.  [To be fair, I’m not saying I have shitty friends, I’m just wondering if maybe I give too much and expect that in return? Also I’m hungry and haven’t slept much]

Yes, I haven’t been so great at reaching out either, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to always be the one to start it, to buy the tickets, to ask for people to hang out, so I just quit. It’s given me more time to save money [which I really don’t need to be blowing] and time to throw myself even more into my Scentsy  business. Maybe I have too high of expectations.

I really needed that vacation to Nashville, but part of me thinks I need a long weekend, a beach chair or a floaty in a pool and not worrying about anything. I mean if I have Cheerios, milk, four or five books on my iPad… I’m golden.

Maybe the weather here just needs to stop being so fucking gloomy? We didn’t really have a winter but tornados have already started, now it’s rainy and muddy. Will there be green!? I need to get the patio furniture put together so I can read on my patio.

I need an attitude adjustment, and a filet, medium rare, baked potato with just butter, a salad with ranch and some comfy pants. If you can make a good strawberry daquiri or two, I probably wouldn’t turn that down.

I need to change out my Scentsy wax, put something fun in the diffuser [Orange, Strawberry Melon, probably] and recheck this attitude, cuz negative isn’t getting me anywhere. To quote Ed Sheeran from What Do I Know “Just love and understanding, positivity”

Yes, my friend, yes. Although I do believe his best song; Bibia Be Ye Ye; which the lyrics go a little something like this:

I tell myself in every way I won’t be doing this again

and tomorrow’s a brand-new day someone told me,

always says what’s on your mind

and I am only being honest with you I get lonely

and make mistakes from time to time

Se enioma enko ye

Bibia be ye ye

wo nooma be ye ye

This is a Ghanan’ language Twi.

Bibia be ye ye = everything will be alright                                                                                               Se enioma enko ye = If things arent’ going well                                                                                    wo nooma = your probablems will be solved.

This is probably one of my top five favorite songs ever.

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I haven’t been a good friend lately

Living like I’m half-Amish.

As you know, my Grandpa lost his battle with Alzheimer’s on Monday morning.  I stayed home from work. It was just a weird day. I finally got up after it all sank in, and watched a little TV, did some things around the condo, sat back down to watch TV and it wouldn’t turn on. I tried everything, nothing. I got upset and frustrated so I went shopping for some pants / shirts for the services.

I got home and tried all the stuff again, no luck. Ended up calling Vizio, and they had me to everything again, a technician called Tuesday, it’ll be 3-5 business days before the part is in, and then they have to come do fix it. If they can’t fix it, a new TV. I’ve had a friend who had this happen. What a mess. My TV isn’t even a year old.  I have another TV in my bedroom, but for the life of me, I cannot get it to connect to the cable / turn on, any of that. So I’m without a TV. I’m currently watching / listening to The Voice from last night on the iPad, thankfully I have internet still.

I worked til about 6:15 last night – trying to cram a weeks worth of work into two days is damn near impossible. It doesn’t help that we move the last two units into the new building on Saturday, so things are hectic, not as much as the last time…

I wanted to make some thumbprint cookies last night so we could have something to snack on during the visitation. No chopped pecans, by the time I got home from piking up a few things at the store, I was done. I was going to get up and bake them today. I got a text and call from work… that woke me  up, so then I was going to bake. Out of sugar. Seriously, how does this happen?  I’m getting ready to head to Fareway and grab some, and the landlord scared the hell out of me to tell me that we’ve got a break in the water line to the condo, yay. I made the cookies, but let’s face it, the lack of water to wash my hands and all that throws things for a loop.  If I don’t have water by about noon (an hour and a half) I’m going to have to head to WL to get ready.

I still don’t know what I’m going to wear. Thankfully or Unfortunately I’ve become a funeral expert in the last 3 years, so I have some good “funeral wear”.  I probably need to decide sooner or later so I can get things rounded up or not.

I really feel like I’m living like I’m half-Amish. I realize I have cable, but no TV to watch it. I currently pay for water, but none in the condo. This is totally a first world problem.

I really do have an affinity for the Amish, and sometimes its good to turn off technology for a while, but yah… this is not for me.

Time to get some shit done, I don’t need water or TV to put clothes away. My kitchen floor, needs moped, in a bad bad way. Why do we think of everything you need to do that involves what you don’t have / can’t use at the moment…

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Living like I’m half-Amish.

An update and Grandpa Brophy

A little update on the post about Turbo; we decided that he still has a lot of spunk in him, so we are going to wait until he is showing a bit more decline in health. For now we’ll enjoy some more time with him. It’s still tough to know his time is coming to an end.

In other news; my Grandpa passed away this morning. Joe’s Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s probably 5 or 6 years ago, and over the years his health has declined. Last Tuesday my mom let us know that they weren’t sure he’d make it though the night. About 6:30 this morning,  he passed.

The Brophy family took us [mom, Luke and I] and eventually Jill and the kids in, as their own. We were never their step-anything, just their grand kids, niece, nephew, etc. He is at peace now, and no longer confused, and can eat all the sweets he wants.

I took the day off work, I get 3 at work, so after arrangements are made today at 1, I’ll know the day of the visitation and funeral; so I’ll take those days off. I think I’m still in shock by it.  Once we get to the visitation and around family it’ll sink in. I think taking the day off today and let it set in.

A great man, gone.

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An update and Grandpa Brophy

Oh Turbo.

I knew my dog was getting old (he’s  12 ½) and I knew that this winter when I stayed with him it was likely going to be one of the; if not the last time. He’s been limping a lot – so mom had his foot looked at, they had noticed a big cut, and got it all cleaned up. They did x-rays to be on the safe side, and as I was boarding the plane in Des Moines on Thursday, mom called that the vet told her it was bone cancer.

They said they could do surgery and amputate part of his foot / leg, recovery would take 2-4 weeks. Or we could make the decision to put him down. He’s 12 ½; bouncing back from anesthesia is not going to be easy for him. We weighed the options and decided to put him down. What if we did the surgery and he came out of it just fine, but they were honest with us in that we didn’t know if it had spread – and if it has, how much. That there would be a possibility of having to put him down not long after the surgery due to his health declining.

It was a tough decision to make, I don’t want him to be hurting, but I also don’t want to lose my dog.

You see, I fought for him. Mom and I were looking for a dog – and we wanted him to be hypoallergenic because even though my allergy to dogs isn’t bad, we just knew we needed to be smart. We fell in love with Bichon Frise.  We found an ad in the paper for somewhere near Anamosa, and called. He was only 5 months old, this was April 2005. I’m guessing they got him at a puppy store, and then decided they didn’t want him. I got him for $100 or something crazy cheap like that. He ran circles around the room and I decided to name him Turbo. Okay… I might have had the name picked out before I even got there; but his crazy, wild running solidified the name.

We found out later he was born 11/11; you see, my Mom and I have a thing for 11:11 on the clock, so it was very fitting.  We had just bought the old Maid Rite, and were in the process of renovating. He became THE dog of JB’s.

He’s much more to me than that, though. He scratched at my door when I had seizures in the middle of the night; he never left my side when I came home from the hospital of the two seizures I had. And he wasn’t even trained; but he was smart.

Last night after work I went home to see him; I took a ton of pictures and cried a lot. It was hard. It was really hard to leave, knowing the next time I go back to my parents place, he won’t be there. *Edited this; we decided to wait it out a bit after he was on doggy morphine for a week; and he did perk up a bit, but June 9th, we will say goodbye to our Turbo. Since he perked up some, he’s suddenly been declining.

It was really hard. He’s been with me through a lot. He scratched at my door when I had a seizure in my sleep, he perched by my side after both other seizures. The one where I was driving, and had to stay in the hospital – he was pretty much attached to me for a few days when I got home. He was never a trained seizure alert dog, but he just knew.

Turbo Baby
He was such a little guy…

There is no denying this guy had some spunk and character. It’ll leave a big spot in my heart on Friday when we take him in, but I know that he was so very loved, and spoiled.

 

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Just Chillin.
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January 2017  – my last time dogsitting
14
September 2016
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This guy LOVED blankets… and slept right in the middle of the bed.
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He was a little goofy… he scooted the blanket just that way then climbed on top and went belly up for a good rub!
Bo
Last night  3/7/17
Crying Jess
This photo is black and white because I was red faced; ugly crying. 3/7/17
HOS
The Hawkeye Hoodie of Shame – he was not having any part of this hoodie!
Me and Turby
He was always fond of selfies; at least I think!  3/7/17

Turby
This was the most precious picture ever. His perch at the top of the stairs at the house on 15th Street [now Luke’s house] but he’d lay here and make sure I was good downstairs.
I’m not even sorry for oversharing these photos.  I never knew how much a dog could mean to you, and now that I’m a few days away from letting this guy be pain free, I feel like my world is torn upside down.

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Oh Turbo.

From the airport

I am currently sitting in the Des Moines Airport. I was supposed to be in Nashville already. I moved my flight from 6:10 AM to the 5:45 PM flight.  This cold I have, correction, this “viral sinus infection” is kicking my ass. It’s mostly the coughing part. I was almost asleep last night but the coughing kept me up I finally fell asleep about 12:45/1ish and needed to be up by 2 to head out to drive 2 hours to catch my flight.  But everything worked out. I don’t have to kill time between airport and hotel (and pay for a $50 Uber) and now Shawn can get me from the airport tonight.

She has tomorrow off so I’m looking forward to running errands with 1 year old Jaiden. I swear he was just born!

My mom texted me I was going through security and told me to call her regarding the findings of my dogs’ x-rays. He has cancer in his foot. They think they can take it, it’ll set him back a few weeks, and could fix it all, but we don’t really know where it has spread, if at all. Mom asked me what I wanted to do. Part of me wants to do the surgery, and see what happens, but another part of me is fearful that we do the surgery (and it’s already spread) so he goes through that, and then he still isn’t doing well and a few months later (or sooner) we decide it’s time… was it a waste? Is anything really a waste when it comes to your beloved pet.

I feel like such a businesswoman sitting on my laptop at the airport. And all I am doing is typing into a Word document, to transfer to my blog when I get service.

It’s crazy weather, the sun is shining but we have snowflakes fluttering around.

I want to get online and scroll through my pictures of my dog, but I think I’ll save that for a bit, because I’m not sure I can handle the emotions. He was so ugly when we got him. His body and his head didn’t quite match, like his head / ears were huge compared to his body, but now he’s a bit more even.

Honestly; he’s just fat, and happy. And he really has been great for me, he never left my side when I got home from the night in the hospital after I had a seizure while driving.

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From the airport