All in the course of a month; the weather went from still hot enough to have the air conditioning on, to cool enough to have the windows open without being miserable, to cold enough to kick the heat on for a bit.  Welcome to Iowa, if you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes!

There was frost this morning and it’s raining now, but the temperature is hovering around 40; today I’m thankful for the garage!  It could be a bit dicey in the morning, but this rain is supposed to be done by midnight.

Speaking of my garage, I didn’t get it cleaned out like I had planned, but I’m sure there will be a few more unseasonably warm days coming up.  So I’ll tackle it then, or maybe not til the Spring.  It’s not a dire need to clean it out.

This weekend has actually been fairly productive. I finished one book and read another one. Goodreads does a Reading Challenge every year; I set mine at 50 originally and have since changed it to 70; but I’m already at 65, I’m certain I will read at least 10 more before the end of the year. I think 80 might be a better goal.

I made Scentsy samples for the Trick or Treat trail before the in town Trick or Treating on Tuesday; got those labeled and bagged.  I’ve got all my laundry done, but as usual, it’s folded all over the floor. But folded is better than in the basket!  I made another batch of Chili so I should be good to go for a week or so; I don’t make a huge batch.

I was asked at the beginning of the month by my Scentsy mentor to make a video and share what I’m going that’s yielding me the results I’m having. Video terrifies me. But I said I’d do it, and I had 4 weekends to do it, and waited til the last one to do it. I think once I get going I’m fine, it’s just starting it.

I think my sour mood from last week is gone! I had a bit of a pity party for one last night, but all is well.  Yes, I’m the one who did the breaking up, but it doesn’t make it suck any less. Yes, it’s what I wanted because I wasn’t getting out of it what I thought I deserved, but it still kinda sucks, single. Especially around the holidays.

I haven’t had a nap all weekend, proud of myself for that. I was in bed by 9:30 on Friday and 11 last night. Of course I read for a while first, but I think my body is finally getting used to sleeping well. I was up at 7:30 and 8 this weekend.  It’s amazing just what a regular sleep schedule is like, with good sleep!

I suppose, off to start a new book and begin the busy week.

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Just a Fall Tuesday in Iowa

It’s been a day; better, but a day.  Work is getting to me. I posted on Facebook today something smart aleck-y about wanting to buy patience, and a few days ago.

My foot is feeling better, movement wise, but there’s some numbness that has me a little concerned; but I’ll keep an eye on it. There’s not much bruising, so it’s definitely a different sprain.

Another crazy night after work. I came home and warmed up some leftover chili. I rarely eat leftovers, but chili, is one of the few things. I had to meet up with someone to deliver some Scentsy for a Fundraiser. I had a bag of things I needed to return to the outlet mall about 25 miles away, so happened to have it all in the car and just decided to go do that. I got in about an hour ago and I’m ready to crawl in bed.

I’m admitting it, it’s a bit chilly in my condo tonight. Yes, three weeks ago I was griping about my air conditioner not working and it taking a week for the landlord to get them out here to fix it but now I’m thinking heat sounds great.  I’m very stingy with my heat but I sleep much better when I’m colder, under the blankets. My office is the coldest room in the house – as it’s the one on the corner. I know the window is a bit drafty, but I’m not certain I want to do the plastic + blow dryer window treatment, but ask me in a few months.

I even parked the car in the garage, so I don’t have to scrape frost off my windows in the morning.   My garage needs to be gone through and have shit pitched, and organized. Great idea to think of this now, when it’s going to get cold… I should have thought of this like a month ago!  It doesn’t look like the weekend is going to be much warmer, but we’ll see.

I have a bed and a book calling me. And I’m ignoring the dishes in the dishwasher or the laundry that needs done. I’ll tackle that Thursday. I have a class tomorrow, and ironically it’s about money and budgeting, which is hard to talk about and honestly just FACE because it’s kind of embarrassing, but I enjoy going, even though it’s in a church and there’s some churchy stuff entwined in the lessons.

I’m trying to write more, one because I miss it. Partially because I want things to be documented; even things that aren’t in the “highlight reel” that is social media.  It feels amazing to do it just before bed….

All that to say, hasta pasta!

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Just a Fall Tuesday in Iowa

I get so emotional…

Today has been one helluva day.  I grew some balls to text Adam and flat out ask what is going on. He’s been a bit distant; and by a bit, I mean a lot.  I was convinced I was breaking up with him… but his reply  has me thinking he might want to work on it.

At lunch I had a small to-go box in my hand with some casserole and walked over to the cooler to grab a Pepsi, and my right ankle gave out and I fell. Luckily I didn’t spill any casserole on me, but everyone in the cafeteria was wide-eyed. Ironically no one asked me if I needed help, they just gawked.  I got up and limped off to a somewhat private place.   I sent Adam the text this afternoon.

I’m home to put my foot up and ice it; obviously it’s sprained. My toes are feeling numb/tingly/weird; this isn’t usual. But I won’t go to the doctor because honestly I don’t want to wast the money on an X-ray. If it’s still bugging me in a few days, then I might think about it.    It hasn’t bruised or anything, just swollen – even in my toes.

I’m currently watching The Good Doctor; which is an amazing show. I’m going to crawl in bed after, and likely read for a bit then crash. I really should take something for my ankle.

I have cried looking over a Scentsy friend’s family photos that include her husband in his Army gear, he’s deploying to Iraq or Afghanistan. I cried because something popped up on YouTube, and I cried over something silly on TV.

Even though I don’t get my  monthly visitor thanks to my 5-year birth control, but I swear that business would be happening now because I’m straight up #HotMessJess which is unlike me.

I grabbed some chips and salsa after work, had some of that, then some grapes, and then a ham sandwich – like on a tea bun thingy. Now I’m contemplating having some chili at 930 at night. I rarely eat this late, ever. But I’m going to say it; I’m cold. It probably has a lot to do with the ice on my foot.

I feel like I’m a crazy mess.

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I get so emotional…

And end, and a beginning?

The saying “All good things must come to an end.” To that, I question, was it really a good thing? Or was it just something to suffice us both for the time being?

I wrote a private post a while back and I’m still not sure if I want to share it publicly, yet; but I’m fairly certain that this week I’m calling it quits with Adam.

From the get go I told him that his daughter was the first priority, and I would never get in the way of that, ever. And I still do not want to, but I do want to be something of a priority, or maybe just a thought every once in a while.  I went to Chicago and back, for just two days, before he even texted me. I let him know I was there safe, nothing. I got a text as I was pulling into town, the town I live in.

He didn’t come down a few weeks back [it’s probably been closer to a month] because he was watching the Chiefs game, and I didn’t have cable, the antenna didn’t get the station it was on.

This weekend I finally mentioned it to the family that it was time for him to ‘shit or get off the pot’.  I talked it over a bit with a friend, and it helped me come to peace with it all, I suppose.

I basically don’t need to be his #1 priority, but I need to be something…  I’m not a flowers or chocolates kind of girl, I don’t need that, but a little attention would be nice.

I honestly don’t even know how to bring it up with him because we’ve shared maybe a total of 10 [it’s 12 I counted] texts between us since Friday; but I think it’s ran it’s course.

It’s been a couple of really hard years, with loosing grandparents, and the chaos that is work. Since loosing Grandpa Marty in March I’ve become more of a homebody. As cliche as it sounds, I’ve spent a lot of time figuring out me.  I’m putting effort to into friends who reciprocate it. If I haven’t heard from you in months, don’t expect me to go out of my way to reach out.

I’ve taken some time to figure out budgeting, and making a financial plan for my life [this isn’t easy!] Hell I even signed up for the Ramsey class that is somewhat church based and held at a damn church.   images

I am seriously attempting to live like no one else – in that I’ve got no social life, and I’m trying to be smart with money so when I’m older I can live like no one else.

This is hard, all of it. I don’t do change very well, but for some reason I’m pretty at peace with my decision, and I’m actually a little proud that I’m standing up for myself. He has not hurt me in any way, I’m merely standing up for me in that I want more from a relationship, I deserve more, and I’m not just going to keep doing this because it’s easy.

I’ve done the single thing, for years. I’m really quite good at it. Sometimes you have to pick you. Be selfish, even if it sucks. I’m picking me. I’m hoping to be a better me. Not just with a relationship, but with money, eventually with health [look, we know this is where I struggle as I’m writing this just before lunch], with my family, with friends, in all aspects of my life.

Change is hard, but hard things are worth it. I can do hard things.

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And end, and a beginning?

Lazy weekend

This weekend has been incredibly lazy.

I noticed last Sunday [the 8th] that my air conditioning wasn’t working, so I emailed my landlord, she said she’d get them out to look at it, and of course, nothing all week. It’s been about 76 in my condo the whole week. MISERABLE! I emailed her again Friday after a few unanswered voice mails; and she said they’d be here Friday or Monday. They weren’t here Friday, so hopefully Monday. Saturday night into today it really cooled down and I had left my balcony sliding door open and it FINALLY cooled down to mid-60’s in here.

I’ve not left my condo this whole weekend, I have only read and slept. Three books done, and I’m about to start a 4th.

I didn’t get the memo from my family that my brother was running his half marathon today otherwise I would have gone to cheer him on. Of course by the time I saw the stuff on Facebook it was too late. This is typical of my family though.

The funds are a bit tight for the remainder of the month; so staying in and reading, doing nothing is kind of what it looks like the rest of the month will look like.   And maybe I’ll get around to reorganizing and cleaning out the kitchen cupboards that I’ve been needing to do. I just haven’t had the willpower to do so.

I really want some chocolate chip cookies, but my tried and true recipe [the one on the back of the Nestle Chocolate Chips] is too much for  just met, and for some reason everything I do they come out flat. I found a recipe on Pinterest that claims to be ‘fluffier’ and is a half recipe, so I might try that; it looks similar.   I need to find some new to me recipes or eat some crap from my cupboards so I’m 1) cleaning them out and 2) not blowing anymore money.

I really just need to do some meal planning and somewhat stick to it. I don’t do leftovers, cooking for one sucks.

In other rambly news; I’m back on Facebook, but I kept the notifications turned off on the phone and iPad. It’s kind of nice. I feel like I was a bit of a slave to them. I’d see a red number and feel like I had to check it right now.

I really need to get my cast iron skillet seasoned [although it says it comes seasoned] and start using it.  This post is all over the place, I think I’ll go park it in the recliner and read.

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Lazy weekend

I did it!

I’ve had this DNA thing since March. For 7 months it has been on my desk. I read all of the paperwork, and signed the consent the first day I got it, then it just sat there.

Many asked why I hadn’t done it, and to be honest, I’m scared.

I do not know my biological parents, I do not know my medical history other than mine that has happened in the last almost 35 years. I know that spiting in this little vial could give me answers.

Do I want to know what “could” happen, do I want to know that I have a predisposition to get x, y, or z? I was scared.  What if I really do somehow connect with my blood relatives? Then what?

Shawn and I actually just talked about this last week.

What it took is that I heard national radio personality; Bobby Bones, talk about getting it and doing it.  As weird as it seems, if he could do it, I could. It’s up to me what I do with the answers that come, me. Just me.  Will I tell anyone when I get them? If anything I’ll share the results with my medical team.

I’m scared, yes. But I’m almost 35 and I need to start taking care of me; in all aspects, so I did it, and now we wait.  All because of spit in a vial. Classy.

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As soon as I hit publish on this, I’m walking it down to the outgoing mail box, and it’s out of my hands; in all senses of the world.

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I did it!

Cable

I once broke up with cable; at the end of July. I thought I’d save a whole bunch of money and everything but it didn’t. I caved and I’m getting it reinstalled today.

I got a nice antenna; but it didn’t get NBC, only ABC, not even CBS. I couldn’t watch Ellen – which is something I love, a lot. I couldn’t access shows for at least a week. I signed up for DirecTV Now and got a free Roku if I paid for 2 months, and it worked a little, but not for what I wanted.

I decided that I’ve changed my car insurance, my car is paid off, and I’m basically skimping in a lot of other places, that cable is one thing I don’t want to skimp on. I’ve given up my life, so I might as well enjoy what I can at home… with shows DVR’d

I never realized how I use TV as a way to relax, from work, from the Scentsy gig, until I didn’t have it as I liked it / knew it / wanted it. I know many are completely content without, but that’s not me.

My FB break is going well, the last two days when I’ve gotten up for work  I didn’t check FB right away.  I still have my page active, and I have gotten on to scroll through and see some things, but not commenting / posting / liking. Not accepting messages in messenger, or friend requests. It’s quite refreshing. I never knew how addicted to it I was.

I’m sure that I’m missing out on sales in the Scentsy world but honestly, sometimes a girl just needs a break. It isn’t helping monetarily but rest is necessary.

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Cable